For the man who desires more sex and/or better quality sex, the answer is leadership – and leadership starts with understanding. In order to get more of what you want, you must understand what it is that provides it or prevents it. Leadership can develop those elements that bring about what you want and overcome those elements that inhibit a fulfilling life. Simply enough, you must understand what makes your wife act, react, and pro act (or not). These factors are generalized, of course, and are just a guy’s perspective. Discussing them with your wife will probably help you increase your intimacy just in itself.
- To be engaged by their husband –be where you are.
- To be loved in such a way as they can feel loved -quality time, acts of service, physical touch and closeness, words of encouragement, gifts.
- To be secure in family, body, and economics – Maslowe’s hierarchy of needs must be addressed for a lasting sense of well being.
- To have companionship – to hang out and have fun.
- To be in control organizationally – a man finds harmony after having sex; a woman must have harmony in order to have sex.
- To share management and responsibility of the family life – to come home and participate in the family life and marriage as well as the necessary chores that clutter the day.
- To partner with someone who is growing in maturity and social skills – to be worthy of being proud instead of being embarrassed.
- To partner with someone who creates a family vision, character, identity, and adventure – to cheerlead the family name, to develop family qualities, to identify areas of mutual growth and demonstrate personal strength towards achievement.
- To partner with someone who has direction and energy – to consistently get from the day instead of just getting through the day.
- To partner with someone who sees them as lovely – to constantly look for and express reasons of appreciation. “This is why I love you….”
- To partner with someone who will help them see themselves as lovely – to recognize that she may need help in overcoming self esteem issues and can’t be criticized into loving herself.
This may not be the best list in the world, but I bet if men were to understand and genuinely pursue the above, the marital satisfaction rate would go up dramatically. Essentially, leadership is about pouring out: If you pour out of self into your spouse, her glass not only will be half full at minimum, it will overflow in the long run.
There is so much more to the above than can be said in a short post, so next time…